By now it's been a bit more than a year that I have moved back to my hometown, Budapest. It's actually 400 days today, to be exact, which doesn't really mean anything but I thought it's cool and round enough of a number to mention. Good timing for a blog post! :)

I've been meaning to write about the 'aftermath' of moving home, and in general the whole experience of being back in Hungary, but somehow I haven't managed to get around to it until now. And frankly, this is only partially because of procrastination - the other big part in this is that I have a hard time figuring out how to capture the complexity of such a life-changing event. Where do I even start? What do I want to say... I mean, I have a lot to say, but can I encompass the full spectrum of thoughts and emotions that come about when someone moves home after more than 5 years of living abroad? In one blog post? I don't know if that's possible, I don't think it is. So for now, in this post, I'm giving a shot at capturing at least one strain of thought from this bundle that has been with me for a while.

I have recently published a post which included a video of my top reasons for moving home. Of course I had to simplify things a bit to fit half-a-year's worth of mental and emotional process leading up to a cross-Europe move into a 5-minute talk. Nevertheless, I've come to find that it's still pretty accurate.

Weather,
food,
landscape,
connection with people (language and friends).

I remember flying here multiple times last summer, for festivals and weddings of amazing friends, and I kept wandering around the city, enjoying the sights, eating the food, talking to people, and I felt so at peace, so good about everything that I remember starting to be confused on why I don't live here. 'Remind me again, what is the reason for me not living here?' - was a question I posed myself, and I had a hard time coming up with good answers. I also had a hard time finding an interesting job in the Netherlands at the time, and felt increasingly isolated from my surroundings. 'Remind me, why do live in Amsterdam again?'... Once I had no real response to this question, I knew it was time. Ironically, I found a job in no time in Budapest, and before I knew it I only had 2 months left to pack and say goodbye to a life of 5 years.

I need to mention at this point though, that the idea of leaving the Netherlands didn't come to me in the last couple months leading up to the move. It has been with me, for a year or two, to go either to Berlin or back home. So it wasn't a spontaneous decision made because I had a couple of rough months unemployed. I want to stress this, because frankly, life didn't throw fewer struggles at me in Budapest. On the contrary actually - I don't know if I've ever endured this much heartache and career drama as I did now in 2017. But I don't want to pack my things and go. Because I chose to be here. (As opposed to the Netherlands where I more followed someone and went for an opportunity rather then having my mind made up about wanting to be specifically in that place. Which by the way I do not regret for one second, on the contrary, it's probably been one of the most enriching experiences of my life. But ironically it's also what made me realize where I'd rather be.) I *like* and *want* to be in Budapest right now and that gives me motivation. It's like in the book, 'The subtle art of not giving a fuck' (which by the way I recommend highly to anyone) - peace of mind doesn't come from not giving a fuck about anything, but for struggling for things you WANT to struggle for. Right now, for me, in Budapest, I have all these small things that give me joy everyday and make me happy, happy that I have made this decision to be here:

Sunshine,
tasty greasy food that makes me feel at home,
beautiful sights and hills I can climb,
and silly Hungarian words and phrases I get to say out loud and giggle at
with my friends like 'mi a helykó' and 'sujtásos dolmány'.

But all the while, heartaches are just as painful, work struggles are still a thing, everyday, all the time. Life as such did not become easier at all. It just *feels* easier, because my batteries are better charged on a daily basis because of all the things that make me smile. Or something like that. At least that's my theory right now, which is probably not universal and not even permanent. Maybe in 400 days I will think differently, and by then have added other priorities to my list of things I like, and maybe there will be another time when it won't be Budapest anymore that qualifies as best place for me. Who knows.

I find it rather unlikely that that would happen anytime soon though. I have been way too happy walking around the city looking at beautiful buildings and places. And, I have actually realized I left out a very important reason for my move home:

SPACE.

Seriously, Hungary, even Budapest, is *full* of space, compared to say Amsterdam, where in the city center I often felt suffocated. You can't imagine how free I feel every freaking day when I walk around and have the whole pavement, or half the street, or even half of Városliget to myself. Just to give you a taste, check out the most famous park in Amsterdam, Vondelpark, on a typically sunny day, versus Városliget, below:

Speaking of which, I think I'll go for my first walk of 2018. And the first walk of my next 400 days in Budapest. :)