Bori goes to Holland

Every now and then, people I meet here, or people back home will ask me: 'So, do you like living in Amsterdam?'
I would take a deep breath and say: 'I do, but...' - and then in my head the struggle starts, trying to explain what I find strange about this place.

Because I have to say, there is something that makes me feel bittersweet about living in Amsterdam as an expat for 1.5 years now (and almost 3 years living in the Netherlands).

It is easy to list the things that are great here. The canals, the bike paths, the people, the night-life... But I always end up feeling the need to balance this out with the 'but' part. I dedicate this post to explaining this.

Amsterdam has a vibrant flow of expats (like me), which means that basically there are a lot of people here coming and going. Some people come here to find something. Themselves, someone else, or something they have lost. Others come here to lose something, to leave something behind - I have seen it all. No matter which of these is the case, the mindset with which people come here is incredible. Motivated, enthusiastic, open to new challenges and experiences. This is the beauty of this place: you can meet here the most interesting, smart and open-minded people from all around the world, and share opinions, views and thoughts you would have otherwise probably never been able to experience.

Not only can you meet people, but since all of these expats are in this euphoric state of looking for new things and being open, there is a lot of opportunity to actually experience and share moments together while facing these challanges together.

This makes you feel alive and connect with people.

You make great friends.

You fall in love.

You enjoy life.

This is all great, and there is no reason to complain, really.

Honestly. It's great. It's like a huge Erasmus exchange program for adults (even though I never attended one, but this is how I imagine it).

However, the point will come, when one of your newly made great friends decides to leave the country.

You go to the goodbye party, you have a great time, you drink, you swear to keep in touch.

Few months later, the second friend leaves.

And then, the third friend.

And then, your love decides to leave too.

Not because of you - they all leave because of themselves.

And then you slowly realize, that expats have one main thing in common: this is not their home. Which reads as: this is their temporary setting. Due to this, they share another trait: their stay here has a purpose, something they need to fulfill before they can 'move on'. They are not here to live their entire lives here. Even if they don't know it, they are all looking for something subconsciously. They are in a phase. A passing phase, that will end.

Slowly you realize, that all of these people that you have connected here with, have their own little paths in life, with which you happened to cross for a little while, but they must go on in their direction. Which will not necessarily coincide with your direction. They often decide to go home, or take a job opportunity, or follow a love to far far away - I again, have seen it all happen.

And you stay behind.

And for every person that leaves, you meet 5 new ones...

And for every heartbreak you experience, you break 3 hearts / have 5 one night stands, etc., have your pick.

So the cycle continutes.

Which gets you thinking: so how long am I supposed to stay here? Have I already found what I wanted? Did I already fulfill my purpose? What was my purpose in the first place? Have I found my new best friend / the love of my love / the job of my dreams? Or do I at least now know where to go to find them? Did I manage to leave the past behind and build up a new life here? Am I ready to move on now too? What am I waiting for?

And so slowly.... you realize that the majority of the people/things/thoughts of your expat life here in Amsterdam are temporary.

That's where the bittersweetness kicks in.

Especially the part about heartbreaks, because it kinda makes you think that this phase that expats are in is not ideal for finding true love and long-term commitment, because who knows when you will leave, or the person you love decides to leave.. and you most probably have things to figure out for yourself anyway too, right? So you wonder whether you should just put your love-life on hold while you are here.

The good news however is, that since there are so many people looking for something, it is quite possible that someone else is looking for the same thing, so you might end up inspiring / finding each other :)

So, yes. Everything and everybody is coming and going - and you are just one tiny piece in this huge flow, trying to find your way through too. And one day, you will most probably also leave, because you have either found / lost / realized something, that makes you see life in a different way, and allows you now to take the next step towards your inner peace, towards your final destination. Maybe your true love, maybe your dream job, or anything else that gives your life meaning.

Until then however, I guess there's only one thing to do:

ENJOY THIS BITTERSWEET RIDE! :)

p.s.: It is highly likely that this experience I am describing is actually not unique to Amsterdam, but is a broader phenomenon of similar 'expatropolitan' cities (a word I just made up to describe a metropolis with a high percentage of expats). Or in fact maybe of living in any city as an expat... Well, so far I have only experienced Amsterdam, but who knows, maybe my next station will be again another expatropolis, and then I can compare.... *bittersweet smile*